Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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