She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
