either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
