the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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