He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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