No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
