I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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