I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
