He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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