Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
