they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
