so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
