I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize