Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
