if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
