his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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