This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize