he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
