I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
