THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
