I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
