Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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