she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
