You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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