OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dear god my vagina.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
