he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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