Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
