and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
