I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
