life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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