i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
