People with herpes should wear stickers.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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