Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
