Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
