I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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