hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
