dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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