plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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