I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize