I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
