; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize