I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
