he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Congratulations! We have a period
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