Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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