So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
