Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
