dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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