idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
How's work?
Spinning.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize