so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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