I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
