She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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