I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
