I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You were trust falling into bushes
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize