AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
