Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
