And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
false alarm, still single
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
