That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
