I swear she didn't look like that last week.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
