i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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