I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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