woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
