my vag is so smooth its legendary
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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