Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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