It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize