She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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