He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
