I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Quick, to the slutcave!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
