i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
