I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
