I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
