So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
