If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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