my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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