Got a toothbrush?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
