Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
