Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
