Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
