It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize