I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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