my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
