I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
