i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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