Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I intend to get homeless drunk
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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