i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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