i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
