Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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