You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
