My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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