omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
