FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
