i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
