Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Actions speak louder than pants.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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