Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
