Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
