I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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