So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize