Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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