Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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