I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
