Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
