Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
