a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
