Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
