I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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