the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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