sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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