No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize