she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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