I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
