I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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