Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize