dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
