Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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