I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
