the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I want her autograph on my taint
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
