some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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