Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
