Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
