I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
