I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
