we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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