i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
