I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
