you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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