I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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