you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
